Melania calls the Gropenfuher from her pay phone in Prague

Thursday, 22 March 2018

And the first lady says, "I'm sick of your behavior and your tricks. You're a Great Orange Fraud, like that Vargo nut always calls you. I'm back here in the Czech Republic and I'm about to have a date with a real man. Then I'm down to Slovakia to have a date with another old beau. Then I'm over to South Dakota to shoot prairie chickens with Vargo. It was us big, bad hunkies who won WW-II and urban blacks and rural whites fought in Vietnam. Donald, even I know that. Vargo says he has a spare bedroom I can sleep in from time to time when I get tired of you and your trickster joker habitual habits."

"Darling, please come back," The Donald tweets.

John Kasich gets the message in his inbox and becomes outraged. He throws his laptop across the statehouse in Columbus, Ohio.

"No Donald, we're through. Through. I tell you what, send your kids back to school for a while and you go fight that war over there. Baron's staying with me and I'm taking him to South Dakota to meet his long, lost Uncle Sam, you pig!"

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