1. How do you get rid of mice?
You put up sign that says Collective Farm. Half will run away and the other half will die of starvation.
2. Three men are in a Siberian gulag. "How did you end up here, comrade?" the first man asks the second.
"I am here because I criticized Boris Smirnov." he said.
"Why, that's funny, I'm here because I defended Boris Smirnov!" returned the second.
They turn to the third guy and ask, "Why are you here?"
He replies, "I am Boris Smirnov."
3. As long as the government pretends to pay the people, the people will pretend to work.
Putin often tries to relate these knee-slappers himself but one of two things usually happen-Putin himself is so overcome with laughter he cannot finish, or, when no one laughs, he starts telling his favorite jokes about people being executed.