How did the hipster burn his lips? He drank it before it was cool.
If Santa Claus was a pimp he's have a ho ho hoe train.
When a Roman emperor gazes upon a beautiful woman what does he see? Julius Caesar (sees her).
I used to hate facial hair then it grew on me.
Indentured servants really know how to serf the Internet.
Before my father died he looked at me and said, "Son. Never trust a woman that loves trains. She has loco-motives."
I recently got into an accident with a person that did not know shim's gender. My insurance company filed it as a trans-gender-fender-bender.
What do you call two men on a wall above a window? Kurt and Rod.
I recently saw a sad movie about a thief who lost his grocery list...it was called Swindler's List.
In the 60's, the U.S. army wore tye-dye for camouflage.
My lazy friend was busted for hitch-hiking while j-walking. He was thumbing for piggy-backs.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga in the morning? Poker face.
Why did the banker quit his job? He lost interest.
My banker friend is a good listener, I can always teller about my problems.
Her brother died. He jumped off a ledger.
She did most of her laundering at work.
At the circus she preferred the balancing act.
She tried to be a dentist for a while, but she wouldn't pull a tooth without a withdrawal slip.
She set up a bank in a tree. It was a small branch.