1. Endure a great deal of discomfort in a public setting due to an intense urge to release solid waste but refuse to do so despite there being unoccupied restrooms within close proximity.
2. Succumb to the kind of discomfort described above and defecate into a public toilet bowl without any part of the ass contacting any part of the toilet seat even thought there are thick folds of Charmin acting as a buffer.
3. Launch a halfhearted kick at the toilet's lever and use the front end of the foot to pull the lever down and induce a flush.
4. Make sure not to hover over the toilet bowl in order to avoid contact with the germs that shoot up into the air as a result of the flush.
5. Reflect on the relief and comfort that has washed over the panic and distress and confess to being a masochist.