I hate Larry Woodcock. He's always doing one better than you no matter what the subject. I get a riding mower, he gets one he rides on the back. I get a snow blower, he gets a truck dumping sand and salt.
Take last week. I happened to mention to my buddies down at the bar that I had given three times the past week at the sperm bank and waited on Larry's response.
"Three times? I gave 14 times, and they made me take mine to a Branch sperm bank!"