Four more again of my most favouritest Senior Citizen Jokes

Submitted by Inchcock

Monday, 25 June 2012

Growing Old Advice and Quotes:

Get ready for work, go to your old workplace and feel the joy!

Draw up an annual leave slip for yourself with leave granted on every day of the year.

Some of your friends may still be working, so don't rub it in about the tough day you've had visiting the National Trust tearooms.

Retirement is a miracle cure - You will never again have a mystery 'illness' that requires you to have a day of work.

It doesn't matter to you now if the government decides to increase the retirement age!

What's the typical pensioner's idea of intense physical exercise? - A brisk sit!

There are numerous advantages in being sixty-five, just ask any eighty-two year old!

You're over the hill when your back goes out more than you do!

You're getting old when there's no question in your mind that there's no question in your mind!

You finally got my head together, now your body is falling apart!

Funny, you don't remember being absent minded!

If all is not lost, where is it?

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser!

Right now your having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time

You think you might have forgotten this before.

It is time you stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man!

Research shows...

Research indicates that children smile or laugh 400 times per day, adults smile or laugh 15 or less times per day and think negative ideas 75% of the time.
Laughter benefits the body, mind and intellect and the dominant emotions of pleasure, peace, love, and joy. It can control high blood pressure and heart disease and strengthens the immune system.
It is the best exercise for bronchitis and asthma by improving the lung capacity and oxygen level in the blood …and reduce Snoring because laughter is very good for the muscles of the soft palate and throat!

Roger Marries at 85...

At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock' on the door.

Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one.

All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger, Again he is ready for more 'action'.

Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling.

When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Roger Is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'.

And, once more they enjoy each other.

But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I Am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and
so often.

I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.'

Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here before?'

An Elderly Gentleman...

Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.

Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.

I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my Will three times!'

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