Mark says to the Ian:
"I can never sneak into the house after I've been drinking. I've tried everything.
I turn the headlights off before I go up the drive.
I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
I take my shoes off and creep upstairs.
I get undressed in the bathroom.
I do everything quietly, but then my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out late!"
Ian replies: "Do what I do.
I screech into the driveway,
Slam the front door.
Stomp up the stairs.
Throw my shoes into the closet.
Jump into bed.
Slap my wife's bottom and say:
"How about a blow job then?"
She always pretends she's asleep!"