Selection of Ten Jokes about Husbands & Wives - Part One

Submitted by Inchcock

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

1)
A husband read an article to his wife, about how many words women use a day is 30,000.

But in the case of a man it is 15,000.

The wife replied "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men"!

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

2)
Grizelda: I think my husband is cheating on me!

Carole: How did you conclude that?

Grizelda: My last two children don't resemble him at all.

3)
A pretty young gypsy girl knocked on my door and asked if I had any old clothing to spare.

I said Yes, but what would I get in return.

She said I could play with her breasts!

I thought, 'That's Fair….Tit for Tat!'

4)
I'm in trouble with the wife again.

We were in bed naked and she asked what I would like to do most with her body.

Apparently 'Identify it' wasn't the right answer!

5)
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the hubby were going to commit suicide yesterday.

But strangely enough….once he killed himself I started to feel a lot better.

So I thought…Sod it….soldier on!

6)
I woke up this morning at 8 and could smell something was wrong.

I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!.

I panicked.

I didn't know what to do!

Then I remembered Tesco serve breakfasts until 11.30!

7)
Husband Mark: "Enough is enough. We already have four kids and I will go bankrupt and broke if I have to support a fifth one. I will put a revolver to my head if that happens!"

Wife Grizelda: "But dear, you will be killing an innocent man!"

8)
An elderly man pondered whether his wifes hearing was deteriorating.

One night he crept up behind the sofa where she was seated and said " Darling, can you hear anything?"

No response.

So he moved a bit closer and asked her again.

Still no response.

He then moved right up to her ear and asked again.

She shouted "For the third damn time Albert, yes I can hear you!"

9)
My wife and I had words the other night.

Well actually I had words, she had paragraphs!

10)
Bill and Alice were celebrating 60 years of marriage.

When Bill was asked by a friend for the secret of their long marriage he replied " We have always taken the time to go to a lovely restaurant twice a week. Good food, a little candlelight, fine wine, soft music and some dancing!"

"Thats wonderful" said the friend.

Bill retorted "Yes, I go Wednesday's and she goes Friday's!"


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