Letters to the Editor…

Submitted by dulcie gabbani

Thursday, 10 May 2012

Dear Sir…

What a load of rubbish these modern so-called comedy programmes are these days. They are usually full of swearing and filth and are just not funny. What ever happened to proper comedies, like the one set in that department store with the shit-stabber and the woman with the blue hair who was always always talking about her fanny?
Mabel Cuxwold

Davina McCall says that dangling off a helicopter over the Grand Canyon on a 700 foot bungee rope was the most terrifying and dangerous thing she has ever done. She must be forgetting that she once went out with Stan Collymore.
M Duckworth, Poole .

I heard recently that, on average, Alex Ferguson receives two turds in the post each week. What I want to know is, who's sending the other one?
K Libretto, Welling

We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to the war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she 'bravely remained in London beside her husband' during the war. This contrasts sharply with the actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately left his wife and children and pissed off, first to France, then North Africa, Italy, France (again) and finally Germany. The shame will always be with us.
George Nisbet, Preston.

I don't usually watch these sort of programmes on TV, but today I thought I'd give it a go.
Basically I've just sat for 2 hours watching a house full of egotistical, fame-hungry, gay, bisexual, perverted, drunken and blind morons who are hopelessly out of touch with reality.
They spend all day lounging around the house without doing anything constructive, all the while talking mindless crap and shouting over one another to see who can grab the most attention of the viewing public.
And at the end of this brain numbing bullshit, I was still no closer to deciding who I should vote for....
Labour or Conservative?
R Sole. Stoke on Trent

On our wedding anniversary this year, my husband promised to treat me like a Princess. He was almost as good as his word: he took me for a meal, got completely pissed and on the way home crashed into a concrete pillar at 120mph, nearly killing me instantly, the stupid twat.
Mrs B. Essex.

If Eastenders is so true to life, how come none of the loveable Cockney characters are Man Utd supporters?
P. Sullivan, Birkenhead

The news that Tony Blair is set to publish his memoirs for £5m fills me with disgust. What a ludicrous price for a book. I for one will be waiting until it comes out in paperback, the robbing bastard.
Mildred Riley, Bolton

A woman from Kansas whose daughter was hospitalised by a tornado told ITV News that "God had saved her baby." Presumably, this is a different God from the one that almost killed her a few days earlier.
Sandra Dulweed

I saw a few weeks ago that a man had been arrested trying to smuggle 2 kilograms of cocaine into the USA. Then last week I heard a man got arrested trying to smuggle 10 kilograms of cocaine out of the USA. I wish they'd make their fucking minds up, do they want the stuff or not?
Claude Balls, Catterick

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