Q: Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
A: Because if all of them went it would be hell.
Q: How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None. It should be open by the time she brings it.
Q: Why is a Launderette a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to keep you in the manner to which you've become accustomed.
Q: How can you tell when your wife is really aroused in bed?
A: She puts down her nail file.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something really clever?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me.."
Q: How do you repair a woman's watch?
A: You don't need to. There is a clock on the oven.
Q: Why do men fart more than women?
A: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is shouting through the letter box, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman who won't do what she's told.
Q: Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%, why?
A: It's called a Wedding Cake.
Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: Because they want to.
Q: Why is life like a penis?
A: Women make it hard!
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you!
Q: Does pregnancy cause my wife haemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything she wants to blame it for!
Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for?
A: Its Braille for "suck here!"
Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them!
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the cooker!
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Q: What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?
A: Marry a new one!