Selection of Football Jokes (10)

Submitted by Inchcock

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Football is a game in which a handful of men run around for one and a half hours watched by millions of people who cannot afford it, and really use the exercise.

Coventry City
Coventry City Football team is like an old bra - no cups and little support.

Rare Brian Clough Quotes
"One minute we were in with a good chance, then the match started!"

"I actually said he eats, drinks and sleeps football, not that he can play it!" (On selling Justin Fashanu)

Wayne Rooney
When Man United were going through a tough patch, the players were gathered by Mr Ferguson, to have a back to basics lecture.

Mr Ferguson, picking up a football, said, "Right, lads, what I have in my hands is called a football, and the object of the game is..."

"Hang on a minute," came a shout from Wayne Rooney, "you're going too fast!"

Mark Draper on Italian clubs
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona!"

Rio Ferdinand - Arsene Wenger - Alex Ferguson
Alex Ferguson is very worried about Manchester United players who seem a bit sluggish so he asks the teams psychologist what he can do.

"Keep their minds alert by firing off questions at them all the time; that's what we used to do when I was at Arsenal."

"Like what?" asks Fergie

"Well mind puzzles; for example, like 'I am my fathers son but not my brother - who am I?", was the reply.

Fergie went off happy with the idea but couldn't puzzle out the riddle himself and wanted to make sure he knew the answer so he called Arsene Wenger at Arsenal to ask him.

"Can you help me with this riddle", asked Fergie, "I am my father's son but not my brother - who am I?' ",

"Obvious", replied Arsene Wenger, "It's me"

"Thanks", said Fergie and resolved to try this out on the first player he saw, which turned out to be Rio Ferdinand

"Rio, a new mental regime we're starting; you have to answer the following questions - OK"

"OK boss - yeh fire away", said Rio

"I am my father's son but not my brother - who am I?", asked Fergie
Rio thought for a while

"Ah, don't know boss", he said

"Well go home home and think about it and tell me tomorrow." said Fergie

Rio puzzled over the riddle all night and eventually rang his mate Dwight Yorke.

"Boss's has set me a question I can't answer", said Rio, "can you help me?"

"Glad to!", said Yorke.

"I am my fathers son but not my brother - who am I?", asked Rio.

Obvious", said Yorke, "It's me"

Next morning Rio drops into Fergie's office

"Have you figured out the riddle yet", asked Fergie, "I am my father's son but not my brother - who am I?"

"Yes Boss, It's Dwight Yorke", replied Rio!

"Don't be stupid", snapped Fergie, "It's Arsene Wenger!"

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