Mulder, Scully And The Case In Montana

Submitted by Pariah

Friday, 13 May 2011

A call came in to the Washington office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) from the Montana field office. The small town police had encountered something so bizaar they were unable to make sense of it. After passing the case up to the county sheriff and then to the field office with no resolution in sight, the field office made the call to have it classified as an X-File.

Mulder and Skully were called into Director Skinner's office and were given a briefing. Apparently, there was a house in Billings where a man had been living a secluded life for many years. He had kept the blinds down on all the windows and was rarely seen outdoors, except once or twice at night. Ever since the man took up residence, cats started disappearing from the town. The few cats that were found were dead and only the head with about half the body would remain of them.

"The man was found dead at a travelling circus that was visiting the town," Skinner remarked. "By the looks of things, he had tried to drug and steal a trained lion. The drugs obviously didn't work, and he was mauled so bad he must have bled to death in mere minutes."

"Death by misadventure? Hardly an X-File I would think," Scully noted.

Skinner assured them it was definitely something much more unusual than just his death, and advised them that they were to leave immediately for Montana.

Upon arrival in the land of big sky, they were met by Agent Yoakum, the field agent. He spoke little of the case and told them they really need to see something first before trying to make sense of what he might be able to tell them. After about 30 minutes, they pulled up in front of a house and the agent led them to the front door, which had crime scene tape spread across it. They opened the door and carefully ducked under the tape to enter the house.

It was the house the man had been living in, and it was truly a scene to behold. Every surface seemed to be covered with the butts and tails of cats. Some had been treated by taxidermy, some were bronzed, one even gilded. Nearly every inch of the walls adorned plaques with cat behinds sticking out of them. The man had evidently been collecting cats and killing them to make these disgusting momentos. Over the fireplace there was a large open segment of wall, presumably meant to have become the display position for the lion, had the man succeeded in his sick and twisted hobby.

There was a sudden noise, and the front door opened, letting in several men in coats. Mulder, Scully and Yoakum were about to draw their weapons when they noticed the men's jackets marked them as members of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA). The men proceeded to start dusting and polishing the cat creations as well as tidying up a few of the displays and realigning some that hung askew on the walls. Mulder and Scully asked the men what they were doing and to stop it as they were disturbing their crime scene.

Only one of the men paid them any notice, and he just told them "It's our case for now, if you don't like it you can call Washington."

Mulder immediately placed a call to Skinner and argued with him for about 5 minutes before ending the call with a curse.

"What is it Mulder?", Scully asked.

"They evidently have the rights of jurisdiction here." Mulder replied.

"How could they possibly have the authority over us here, Mulder," Scully asked incredulously.

Mulder replied, "They are FEMA, they're in charge of cleaning up Cat-Ass-Trophies."

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more