Selection of Butchers Jokes

Submitted by Inchcock

Sunday, 6 February 2011

1) The butcher's boy had been dismissed for insolence, and vowed vengeance on his ex-employer. The following Saturday morning, when the shop was packed with customers, he marched in, elbowed his way to the counter and slapped down one very, very dead cat. "There you are, boss!" he called out cheerily, "that makes up the dozen you ordered."

3) An angry woman went into the butcher's shop and snapped, "That meat you sold me was awful!"
"Why, ma'am, was it tough?" asked the butcher.
"Tough!" said the woman. "I should say it was. Why, I couldn't even get my fork into the gravy!"

4) Mr Butcher, have you got a sheep's head?
No, ma'am, it's just the way I part my hair.

5) Butcher: We had some lovely pork in today.
Wife: Don't start talking chop!

6) I'd like a nice piece of bacon. And make it lean.
Certainly madam, which way?

7) How much are your chickens?

A pound a pound.

Did you raise them yourself?

That's right. This morning they were 80p a pound.

8) A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.

"An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins.

"You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a £10 in the basket.

The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.

The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the beast, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.

"Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"

Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it up, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a £5 - The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another £5 goes in the basket.

The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home.

The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor.

The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog's owner screams at the dog.

"Hey, what are you doing? That's a really smart dog you've got there," comments the butcher.

"He's a stupid dog - that's the third time this week he's forgotten his key!"

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