1. What is the difference between a bicycle and Nick Griffin?
A bicycle has a seat.
2. I'm glad to see that the voting system works. I voted for no one, and no one won.
3. Unlike a lot of people, I was hoping that the Conservative Party would get an overall majority. I reckon a Tory government would be a surefire way of getting Spitting Image back on telly.
4. To be honest I'm quite surprised the U.S Army hasn't invaded and installed a new democratic government for us.
5. Politics is a lot like cricket. You start to get excited about a match over a period of days and then the thing ends in a draw.
6. Two bees have just buzzed in through my window today with little pieces of paper in their beelike hands. "Excuse me," one said, "we're a bit lost. We're looking for the pollen station."
7. I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper. I tick all the right boxes.
8. Vote Ron Jeremy for PM! Now that's what I call a hung parliament.
9. All this speculation about Clegg and Cameron having a 'Deal or No Deal' is doomed from the start... They're never going to find a decent banker in this country to play with.
10. What two problems is David Cameron currently being treated for? Electile dysfunction and premature congratulations.