A Few Fortune Telling Jokes

Submitted by Inchcock

Thursday, 6 January 2011

At the fairground, Bert thought it might be a good laugh if he visited the Gypsy fortune teller, so he went inside the tent, and she read his palm.

"Ah…." said the woman, as she gazed into his palm. "I see you are the father of two children."

"Ha, you fortune tellers are all a sham!" said Bert scornfully, I'm the father of Three children!"

The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think…."

Griselda goes to see a fortune teller, who tells her "Two men are madly in love with me!"

Grizelda says. "Who will be the lucky one?"

The Gypsy answers...."Morris will marry you, and Irving will be the lucky one."

Fortune teller One: "Lovely weather we're having."

Fortune teller Two: "Yes, it reminds me of the summer of 2016."

The Golfer asks the Gypsy, "Are there golf courses in Heaven?"

She replies, "I have good news, and I have bad news..."

Golfer, "What's the good news?"

Gypsy: "The good news is that Heaven's golf courses are beautiful beyond anything you could imagine!"

Golfer, "How could there be any bad news with that?"

Gypsy, "You have a game booked to start at 8:30 tomorrow morning."

Many hundreds of years ago a king went to see a fortune teller to
see what she could predict about the future.

The fortune teller told the king that one of his wives would die that year. The king didn't believe her and went away laughing.

Later that year one of the king's wives died.

He remembered what the fortune teller had told him and thought that
she had caused the death of his wife, that she had made it happen.
He decided to put her to death.

He ordered that she be brought before him.

When she was before him he said to her, "A few months ago you
predicted that one of my wives would die this year, and one of them
has died. So you are a fortune teller. Now, tell me - when will you die?"

The fortune teller realised that the king was planning to kill her,
so she thought very carefully before answering, "I will die three days
before you do, your majesty."

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