1) During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?", asked the doctor
"The patch," he replied, "the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and I've run out of places to put it!"
The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn't see . . . Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one!
2) Doctor: While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long since you have been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for about twenty years . . . when my husband was still alive."
3) A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't get used to the taste," the patient replied.
The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet plainly labeled "KY Jelly!"
4) A man come into the Casualty yelling, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"
The Casualty doctor grabs his stuff, rushes out to the cab, lifts the lady's dress, and just finishes jerking off her underwear when he suddenly discovers that there are several cabs lined up, and it's obvious that he's in the wrong one!