Ray Mears - My Fake Diary

Saturday, 23 February 2013

At a loose end so I spent the day exploring Wolverhampton's sewage system. Crawling through a few rat-infested tunnels covered in a bit of shit never hurt anyone.

I emerged through a manhole right in the middle of the southbound ring road. Bad planning there.

A traffic cop approached me and asked "What the bleedin 'ell d'you think you're doing?"

I said "I'm Ray Mears. Off the telly."

He said "And I'm Genghis Khan. Now get out of my sight you shitbag before I nick you for obstruction."

Luckily I got home in time to see Julia Bradbury on the Bake Off show. Now there's a woman I'd like to rummage with in the sewers.