Queen Elizabeth II - My Fake Diary

Saturday, 10 April 2010

Dear Diary, I am rather upset today. My dearest Charles is proving that he has a bit of a mean streak in him. I know I didn't approve of Camilla in the beginning of their public relationship, but I do wish he would act more 'royally', especially when the press are around.

The little 'toe rag' actually laughed at Camilla's misfortune today. I'm not sure whether or not he led her towards the rabbit hole on purpose, he does have a wicked sense of humour. Even if he HAD, he really shouldn't have laughed as hard as he did. Well, not in public.

Mind you, I did have a chuckle myself when I pictured Camilla falling face first into the heather. It was sad that she broke only one limb in the fall. Perhaps we'll have better luck next time. I'll have to coach Charles more carefully in future.

I am pleased to hear that the rabbit escaped without a scratch. Apparently he was quick witted and managed to get to safety as he saw the size 10 welly heading towards him down his hole.

Camilla is now wearing a plaster cast on her leg. She had the decency to have it covered in a purple outer layer, as befits members of the royal family. I now pray that she doesn't do what 'commoners' do and start a collection of autographs on it.

If she DOES then, hopefully she will sell it on e.bay and make a bit of cash to donate to a charity close to her heart. I hear her favourite charity is "The Second Wives' Club". Ah well, you can't have everything can you? I oft times wish I was a member of that club myself. Well, have you heard about Philip's behaviour lately? I am royally ashamed on occasion, to admit I am married to the idiot.

He must have known he was 'onto a good thing' when he married me.

I've done my very best to keep this family together, but......
Well, you just have to read the news to see how out of MY control it all became.

I am so tired but I do crave some cucumber sandwiches.

Goodnight dear diary.