Queen Elizabeth II - My Fake Diary

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

My dearest Diary,

Phillip is getting right on my 'royal boobs' these days. He says some of the silliest, inappropriate things. It's quite embarassing. I do believe he has forgot who he is.

Greeting people after the last Royal Command performance he complimented a female usher on her nice Bristols. For goodness sake.

He invites the strangest people to the palace for dinner. Last Friday he had John Terry and Tiger Woods over and the three of them retired to the library after dinner. We know what THEY were all talking about.

I quite fancy inviting Susan Boyle over for dinner. I plan to get my people to talk to her people to arrange it. She is so busy these days.

Well, dear diary, good night. Time to put on my incontinence underwear. (Oops! I almost left a dangling particple back there. LOL) The new underwear bear the royal crest which is quite spiffing actually.

I've put an order in for corgy size underwear to be of the same design. I am getting too old to bend down now and pick up their royal poop. One of the staff kindly made me a special 'change table' to use. I could ask the staff to 'change' my babies, but I like to get my hands dirty once in a while.

Goodnight.