Nick C Legg - My Fake Diary

Friday, 25 November 2011

Dear Dairy,
While laying in bed fiddling with my stump last night I suddenly had a brainwave-good job I was horizontal at the time or else I'd have fallen out of bed. After a quick bell to Dave (bad timing, he was just mounting Sam) I got the OK for today's big, exciting anouncement.
With 1.163 million young people out of work Dave has allowed me to pledge £1 billion-yes, one billion pounds- to fund 410,000 youngsters into work over the next 3 years. The scheme will start next April and I am sooo excited I have wet my pants again. Mind you, I'm wondering if the current 1.163 million will remain static I'd hate for it to top 2 million by January 2012 or else my plan is, in a word, fucked!!