Gordon Brown - My Fake Diary

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

22 June 2010: As if I didn't have enough to worry about with my BP shares falling, now the bloody coalition mob come out with a decent sounding damn budget! It's so annoying having this 24 hour protection as well, they nearly found my back-handers stash the other day.

I have to keep quiet when hand-relieving myself too, in case they misjudge any noises and burst into the room, mind you I would not mind the one called George catching me at it!

It looks like my biography is set to make me less than £3m, so not much to be made there, hardly worth my back-room team writing all those years ago.

If it wasn't for the support of... er.. what's-her-name... oh.. the wife, I don't know how I'd be managing in retirement at all. I must be brave, after all I might be back in business in a bit if the Tories cock-it-up Thatcher style.

I bought the missus a new car, fur coat, and a crystal chandelier, the kids some expense forms, and the protection guys a Cartier watch each, from some of the interest I got from my Swiss Bank Account number 12 today.

Must close now, as Pinky & Perky are coming on cable TV.