David Cameron - My Fake Diary

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Dear diary,

I am so sorry that I did not write to you yesterday because a massive news story took over the world! Osama bin Laden is finally dead! The news was so big that hardly anything else was spoken about yesterday on radio, TV and all the newspapers and it was so important I got my PR chaps to get the message straight about AV. Unfortunately it was not to be. It looks like Clegg will have his day!

Today is slightly better and I hope that 'democracy' will speak on Thursday - of course saying no to AV will be first past the post. Oh sugar!!! I have just remembered, I have privatised Post Office - of course it was for the well-being of the country. I know best because after all this is a 'democracy'.

I am really embarrassed at giving Pakistan £650 million after what is being disclosed today! It just shows you cannot trust a foreigner and I am beginning to wonder about the Americans - they just seem to be backtracking on everything - just sending out more and more confusion.

I now know what tomorrow holds but it should be much, much clearer.

See you…