David Cameron - My Fake Diary

Saturday, 24 October 2009

Bugger! Must learn lingo so I can be down with the yoof. Polls suggest politicians are out of touch. But that's Balls surely?

Sam bless her keeps my feet on the ground. Last week we even went to Waitrose instead of having our grouse delivered. No-one recognised me thank God. The last thing one wants is some pleb asking for an autograph.

That reminds me must sign Maggie's birthday card. How old is she now? Old enough to be dead I'd imagine. Still, mustn't be beastly about the old girl. She's completely ga-ga bless but the troops love her.

Oh and must tell the Diary Secretary about my sesh with The Sun. So thrilled they're on board. When Andy told me I nearly broke wind on Samantha's leg!

Even more importantly now that I learn some working-class lingo. Twitter and twat just won't do. Maybe I'll slip in a pair of 'bloody bollocks' when talking to Sun Ed so that she knows I'm one of them.

Fuck, is that the time? Christ - every week I've got to haul myself to those bloody parliamentary sessions. I tell you right now that that and John Redwood, will be the first relics I bin when I'm PM.

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