David Cameron - My Fake Diary

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Oh Christ, I'm really in the shit now.

Why did I listen to Heseltine on the Lisbon Treaty? The man knows nothing. He thinks that because he's made a few quid that he can go round telling the 'younger ones' what he likes. Tool!

Oh well, no use crying about it now. I'll call Uncle Murdoch he'll know what to do.

I'll have to cancel the Loose Women slot though. The last time I was on, one of them tried to touch my penis. Good thing I didn't tell Samantha. She would have hit the roof. She's quite salty deep down.

Wished I'd listened to her earlier quite frankly. She told me to steer clear of politics and stick to PR, but I wanted to prove that I had the minerals.

I think I've done OK. I've still got my hair and thanks to Uncle Murdoch, I've got the peasants on my side.

I just need to work out what to do about Europe. Maybe if I don't say anything, it'll all just go away?