Boris Johnson - My Fake Diary
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
8.00 Blimey! Cor! Time to get up don't you know! What?
9.00 Brekkers with the wife and sprogs - jolly enjoyable don't you know. In an effort to be healthy had a bowl of that well know cereal, don't you know, the one that goes "Pull, Shoot, Missed", or at least something to do with noises. Jolly, jolly and spiffingly tasty, I say.
10.00 Going on a red bus today. Not keen on the colour. Reminds me of my predecessor, don't you know. He who can't be named. Red Ken who we mustn't mention. Eh?
11.00 Meeting som people from a place called Newcastle. It's a city somewhere outside Durham. Jolly fine if I'll be able to understand a word they say, don't you know. So busy saying "Wai I" I believe. Have an interpreter at the ready don;t you know.
1.00 Meeting with those people from Newcastle went well. Just replied "Alan Shearer" to anything they asked me. Seemed to be the splendifferous thing to do.
3.00 Late lunch time. What ho! Eh? Nipped to that Starpounds coffee place. They use friendly fair and friendly traded coffee, don't you know. Must only buy of the Bally Africaners who wear good trousers and speak properly, like me. Eh?
6.00 Time to pick the sprogs up from school. Should have done it at 4pm, but couldn't be anused, don't you know.
8.00 Dinner with the Lord Mayor of some place in France. I like France. Shame it's ruined by the French. Must suggest they get some Belgian in. Completely boring, but at least more civil than the Frogs.
10.00 Friends coming over to watch a re-run of "Who do I think I am?". Absolutely fantastic. Spiffing I say.
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