Written by XRhonda Speaks
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Monday, 13 March 2017

image for Church Accidentally Sends Shroud Of Turin To Dry Cleaners
Image filtering reveals a portrait of Christ in the Shroud of Turin, all gone now after being accidentally laundered.

The Cathedral of St. John the Baptist in Turin, Italy, was specifically built to house and protect the shroud of Turin, an ancient 14 foot length of cloth that bears a contact image of the crucified Christ.

Last week an assistant to the Vice-Bishop mistakenly sent the sacred shroud to the local dry cleaners where they unwittingly washed out the miraculous image.

Juan Hung Leow, son of immigrant parents and owner of Leow's Dry Cleaning, lamented the loss of the image when he talked to a reporter for Catholic World News.

"I feel really bad about the situation: it came in with some other items from the Cathedral and no one even thought it was the shroud till Father Preto frantically ran in to our shop--but by then it was already too late. We get a lot of business from the Cathedral and they trust us with their important fabrics when they get, uh, well anyway we took out what we thought was a tough wine stain."

Leow says that as news has spread around Turin of his miraculous cleaning abilities, people have been bringing more business to his shop than ever, though he admits it has come with some negative consequences.

"Most people are sympathetic, they know it was an accident, but we still get a few death threats a week since we washed the shroud."

Vice-Bishop Leo Earl Schmidt, who oversees St. John's for the Turin Archdiocese, said the church will continue to house the shroud because it still has historical value: after Christ's image was washed out from the shroud an underlying and older image of an advertisement for a Roman vomitorium was revealed (vomitoriums in ancient Rome were kind of like the Facebook of their time).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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