Written by XRhonda Speaks
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Tuesday, 17 May 2016

image for Trump Limo Crashes, Investigation Blames Raccoons On Road
Raccoons are becoming a problem for Donald Trump and his supporters, with the Trump limo crash being the latest incident.

What's happening with Donald Trump and raccoons?

Following two separate incidents where raccoons attacked Trump supporters outside of political rallies, State police in Pennsylvania are now blaming the single vehicle crash of Trump's limo in part on raccoons.

The crash left the driver and an assistant with moderate impact injuries, but Donald Trump miraculously escaped with barely a scratch. A member of the responding EMT crew said Trump was likely saved by his eye bags.

The statement released to the press says the accident was caused by animals and branches on the road, but reading the full accident report tells much more: In a statement given to police, the driver claimed, "a group of raccoons pushed a branch out in front of the limo," causing a blowout and the subsequent crash.

This reporter asked the Pennsylvannia State Police about the drivers claims that raccoons pushed a large branch out on to the road, but they declined to elaborate beyond the statement issued to the press.

Our own investigator former federal marshal Marvin Steale, made several conclusions based on the report. "The windy weather probably accounts for the branches on the road, and no doubt they saw a group of raccoons nearby, but most likely it's just an unfortunate coincidence that the raccoons were there. On the brighter side," Steale continued, "no one suffered any serious injuries in the accident."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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