Distraught and tear-stricken roadies have never doubted the existence of the wicked imp that tangles perfectly-laid guitar and sound cables when rock bands are touring. It's always a disappointment to find your immaculately-placed equipment all messed-up and untidy.
Yet, the Oxbridge Centre for the Promotion of Reason, Progress and Scientific Evidential Enquiry Has Finally Proved that the tangle fairy™ does not exist.
Yes: apparently, the existence of a tangle fairy is implausible in terms of the known laws™ of biology, physics and psychology of mass delusion.
Indeed: no photographs or videos of a tangle fairy have emerged,™ so we're on shaky empirical ground here.
In addition, the whole idea of a tangle fairy is not merely unverifiable, but entirely unfalsifiable™, and hence utterly irrelevant to any serious scientific discussion™.
But roadies are outraged:
"We all know who this creature is. You put the cables in nice and neat, and when you finally arrive at the gig, they are all tangled...
"I mean, I hate these poncey scientists talking above us™, from their ivory towers™ and shoddy laboratories. How can they talk down to us like this. I've never met a single roadie who hasn't been harmed by this wicked supernatural being."
However, Archbishop Welby is less disparaging:
"The Church of England does not currently have a stance™ on the existence of the tangle fairy...
"And as we are a broad church™, with a plurality of opinions on matters not fully essential to salvation™, I can only reiterate that we should not let ourselves become divided over matters which are really not fundamental questions in our faith™.
"So, let's focus on the core issues, first and foremost."
But some of the more fastidious members of the Archbishop's flock are not impressed™.
Indeed, one traditional diehard Anglican warned:
"Typical fuzzy-wuzzy equivocation from the man on the top. I mean, if we give our enemies an inch, they'll take a mile™. I'm wanting to hear some really strong leadership™ on this issue…
"You know, secular humanists/atheists/Darwinists™ may think that there isn't a tangle fairy, but I once saw him with my own eyes™ when we were having a beer or two and a cheeky smoke, whilst preparing for a Graham Kendrick tribute medley in the Greater Birmingham Post-Denominational Megachurch Congregation Centre.
"I mean, if we can't even agree on these so-called minor issues™, what chance will there ever possibly be for us to agree on the fundamentals of the historic Christian faith™?"
