The BBC has released its plans for Christmas viewing, and, unlike other years which featured new cutting edge topical shows like 'Dad's Army', 'The Two Ronnies', and 'Are You Being Served?', this year they have plans for new experimental comedy. T…
After the English Premier League introduced new technology in the form of a Video Assistant Referee last season, it has been revealed that many of them are too terrified to actually watch a game, and are afraid that they are being haunted by the spir…
As a second lockdown becomes increasingly likely, due to the dreaded virus, even Waitrose shoppers have begun to panic buy. Stores around the country are reporting shortages of black olives, ciabatta and sun-dried tomatoes. One branch in Berksh…
The BBC, long revered around the world for producing the most inane and pointless cookery shows, has announced yet another one. The show will be along the lines of its headline "Masterchef" and "Saturday Kitchen" programmes, and will feature a bun…
As Autumn approaches and temperatures start to wain from the record summer highs of "Cold and Damp" to a mere "Bloody Freezing", a recent study has shown that men like being warm - even big, hard northern blokes. Statistics show that at least th…
A foaming nutjob from the Metropolitan Police has announced, today, that they will publicly arrest Highgate Cemetery in London for breaking the new 'Rule of Six', which comes into force on Monday. "It's a public place!" they announced. "And there'…
Now that schools have reopened after our long lockdown, it appears that a growing number of parents have simply forgotten basic manners or, in some cases, what a car is. Here's a simple guide Where Park your ugly planet-killing 4x4 wherever…
With just hours to go before the polls close Gordon Brown has made a last desperate attempt to influence the undecided and those who have yet to vote. In a shocking video released onto FaceTube this afternoon Brown is shown in a string vest holdin...
Reports are coming in that the Large Hardon Collider has gone down yet again and this time may stay down for good. Despite many attempts to keep it up, scientists in Geneva are now considering zipping up possibly the world's most expensive erectio...
In a shocking leak we have learnt from NHS sources that most GPs are now even too busy to treat each other. According to a soon to be released report we have learnt that a shocking 95% of GPs are simply far too busy attending parties, golf tournam...
In an astounding new report a group of scientists from the University of Stoned California have announced that you genuinely are as young as you feel. Following on from other research not even remotely related to greenhouse gasses or melting iceca...
Welcome young ladies and gentlesirs to my latest missive I have received a veritable inundation of correspondence following my initial instructional verbiabge. Unfortunately I do not understand such Hogarthean terms such as "Moron", "Ancient Git" or "Oh for F**** Sake Not Him Again" I must therefore take your mass of letters of proof of my correctness As more hirsute or intelligent re...
Following on from the success of prime time dancing shows such as "Celebrity Come Dancing", "Newsnight Goes Dancing", "Dancing on Wheels" and "Dancing Sky at Night" the BBC has today announced its new Autumn schedule. Programmes will of course fea...
In the latest update to the long running dispute involving British Airways and BA Cabin Crew it has been announced tonight that striking staff plan to implement two weeks of untold misery to the traveling public by actually turning up for work. In...
Welcome gentlemen and young ladies to this missive on how to use our modern roads. It has now been a fulsome number of years since those blasted "AA" radicals forced our good lords and ladies to repeal our simple law that motorised perambulators should be accompanied by a stout bearer carrying a red flag. Apparently our modern roads are somewhat velocitous places in greater need than ever of my...
The Highways Agency - the department responsible for closing Britain's roads - is to be forced to close. In a shocking revelation we have learned that the Highways Agency has run out of traffic cones and is even appealing to students, stag parties...
Following on from the scandal involving the the Tory donor Lord Cashcrop, the conservative party have tonight announced a change in their taxation policy. Anyone who earns more than £1billion pounds a year will no longer be required to pay tax.
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