In a shocking leak we have learnt from NHS sources that most GPs are now even too busy to treat each other.
According to a soon to be released report we have learnt that a shocking 95% of GPs are simply far too busy attending parties, golf tournaments and GMC dinners to ever actually see a patient - including each other.
It has also been revealed that almost 200% of GPs are far too busy running mobile phone dealerships to actually treat anyone with a genuine illness
Thanks to NHS rules the average GP now earns around £150,000,000 per minute - almost on a par with politicians and premiership footballers but not yet up to the staggering income commanded by the average dentist.
In a shocking revelation we managed to grab a few words with a GP making a rare, sober trip outside their "health" club.
"Treat a patient? You're kidding aren't you..hic.."
"That's what those locu..locust..er..lockins are for - we get ours from somewhere in Buggeristan or somewhere for about a tenner"
"Sick People! Don't be disgusting. My parents didn't send me to public school for forty years to speak to nasty poor sick people. I might catch something!"
"By the way - do you know where I left my Porsche?"