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Saturday, 12 November 2011

image for Christmas Crisis - Eurozone Contagion Hits Lapland

You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry, the economic crisis currently gripping Greece and Italy has spread North, far North to the home of Father Christmas.

Massive wage cuts have caused unrest across the winter wonderland with industrial action at the Lapland Central Post Office threatening to cause a huge backlog of letters to Santa. Elves have gone on strike and have been protesting in the streets, throwing snowballs at heavily armed riot police.

Chief of police Jurgen Fjelstaaaad said "We tried firing water cannon at them but the water just froze."

Santa himself is so worried that he has been looking into moving his entire operation to Abu Dhabi but is concerned that his wardrobe would not suit the climate. In a rare interview, reporter Godfrey Bumbles sat on Santa's knee while he lamented at his current situation.

"Rulings imposed by Europe are hitting small businesses like mine the hardest. To be honest, Donner and Blitzen were scheduled to go off to the glue factory this year but with the new retirement age rules we are just going to have to keep them on. What with their dodgy hips and Rudolph's coke habit I don't know how I am going to make all the deliveries this year."

The challenges faced by the bushy bearded friend of children everywhere have got even worse. European Central Bank advisors sent in to implement austerity measures have ruled that Christmas presents are in fact "payments in kind" and are therefore liable to VAT.

"We have had to abandon the list of who has been naughty and nice, instead we will do a credit check to ensure that children will be able to stump up the 20% tax payment."

A spokesman for the Lapland government said that parliament would hold an urgent emergency meeting in two months time to address the issues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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