John Mayer, Robert Pattinson and Tiger Woods seem to have one thing in common, their penis's have a mind of their own. Mr. Meyers penis is racist, but he swears the rest of him is down with chocolate. Mr. Pattinson says he is allergic to vaginas, well it is the penis (hopefully) that has the most contact and is therefore the injured party. And Mr. Wood's own tabloid story speaks for itself, he is a respected Golfer, but his penis is a total man-whore.
These and other stories from men around the world have led Psychologists to re-classify the psyche for men. There is the id, the ego, the superego and now the super-duper ego (aka the penis). "So many men are blaming their penis for their bad behavior" say Dr. Yves Seelenbild. "There seems to be an extra part of the psyche for men that impedes their behavior, and is directly involved with the size of the penis. An especially large one, for example, will have more errant behavior of the super-duper ego. Where as a man with a smaller penis can keep his super-duper ego under control. There are exceptions of coarse, Jon Gosselin being one."
This has also led Evolutionary Biologists to state that perhaps the penis is its own being, especially since it has been known since the caveman era to "have its own brain". Potential names for the new sub-species would be called Homo sapiens one-eyed serpentus, Homo sapiens cockus, but Homo sapiens phallus seems to be the favorite cause it caused the least amount of snickering.
If this evolutionary re-classification comes to pass, many men around the world will breath a sigh of relief. When they cheat on their loved ones they can legitimately say that it was their penis that did it - they didn't want to get involved, but the penis had been drinking all day and really thought "Pat" was a girl.
Of coarse, this could lead to something the men haven't thought of, how do we punish wayward penises? They will have to be cut off and sent to prison! In a pickle jar on a shelf. The federal government is using stimulus money to fast track a Federal Penis Prison to be near the Washington D.C. area since that is where many of the wayward penis's congregate.