Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 16 February 2011

image for Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Visit The Alamo and Get The Indecent Exposure Charges Dropped
A right boot that belonged to Colonel Davy Crockett and which recently sold on eBay for $1.3 million.

SAN ANTONIO - The stars of The Vampire Dairies, Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder visited San Antonio after spending a few days in New Orleans.

The couple walked hand-in-hand down the famed River Walk where Nina could be seen feeding Cheetos dipped in Pico De Gallo Hot Sauce to the river ducks.

Ian and her laughed as they saw time after time ducks take the Cheetos and then dive down into the river with their mouths wide open trying to take the 'hotness' away.

After a while a San Antonio Police Officer told them that if he saw them feed one more hot sauce dipped Cheeto to one of the local river ducks he was either going to shoot a warning shot barely over their heads or else he was going to take out his taser gun and tase the hell out of their Hollywood asses.

Both Nina and Ian apologized for their insensitive act and each wrote out a check for $200 made out to the San Antonio River Duck Foundation.

The happy and 'practical joking' couple then walked over to the cradle of Texas independence, the Alamo.

The Alamo is the mission fortress where back in 1836, a band of 185 Texas volunteers led by Colonel Davy Crockett was defeated at the hands of a Mexican army of 937,391 soldiers commanded by Generalissimo Antonio Alejandro Alfonso Alonso Lopez Longoria Corona Light de Santa Ana.

It was amazing but the battle lasted a total of 13 days. Each day General Santa Ana would send a messenger to the Alamo with a message asking that they surrender.

And each time Colonel William Barrett Travis who was in charge of messages, would answer with a message written on a corn shuck that they would not surrender since they were Texans and not French.

General Santa Ana finally had to go ahead and end the battle since he had to travel over to Houston to attend a quinceañera party for Rosalinda the daughter of his older sister Rosarita.

As Nina and Ian walked around the mission grounds they could feel the spirit of the fighting that had occurred 175 years before. Ian said that he could almost hear John Wayne uttering those now famous words, "Fellas, guys, and hombres, I think that our esteemed Colonel Jim Bowie may have abso-effen-lutely underestimated the size of Santa Ana's freakin army by about 937,000 or so men!"

Nina asked Ian why the Alamo caretakers hadn't painted the adobe walls since they appeared to be in bad need of repair and paint. She also wanted to know why the darn place smelled so damn old. And why the floor was made out of rock and how come it was so damn uneven and why the musky smelling place had not been carpeted.

Ian told her that it was a historical site and that historical sites are maintained exactly the way that they were back when whatever happened at the historical site happened.

Nina asked "really?" And Ian replied "Really."

"Okay, then you mean to tell me that back in 1836, the Alamo had a McDonald's smack dab in the middle of the courtyard corral?" Nina asked.

Just then an amorous sensation came over Ian and he told Nina that he wanted to vavavoom her behind the old water well. Nina smiled and replied that she thought he would never ask.

After a few minutes a security guard just happened to walk by. He saw the frisky couple and told them to stop what they were doing.

He then informed them of their rights and told them that he was going to have to arrest them for indecent exposure which in Texas could result in a three month jail sentence.

Ian quickly asked if the Alamo had some kind of duck fund. The security guard, who identified himself as Ramiro Ochocinco, got a puzzled look on his face.

Nina then stated that they would gladly like to make a private, off-the-record donation to the Mr. Ramiro Ochocinco Benevolent Fund so that he could purchase some nice brand new cowboy boots, a nice brand new cowboy hat, and perhaps even a nice cowboy saddle for Mrs. Ramiro Ochocinco if he would forget about the indecent exposure charges.

"What damn indecent exposure charges?" Ramiro asked with a great big old smile on his face.

Dobrev smiled and she quickly wrote out a check to Ramiro Ochocinco in the amount of $2,000. Her and Ian headed on back to their hotel room where they quickly packed, got in their rental car, and drove to the San Antonio International Airport for their flight back to Hollywood.

Nina said that their trip to the Alamo City was quite a learning experience. She took Ian's hand as she expressed that she really loves the "Don't Forget To Remember The Alamo" crotchless panties that he bought for her at the Alamo Souvenir Gift Shop.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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