Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 20 January 2011

image for Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin To Appear On "The Vampire Diaries"
Kate Gosselin dressed up as Buffanooneenee Exalted Sorceress of Clandestine Candelabras.

HOLLYWOOD - The Tinsel Town Times Tribune is reporting that Sarah Palin (SaPa) and Kate Gosselin (KatGo) have been signed to appear in an upcoming episode of The Vampire Diaries.

The shows producer Manolo Middlezuck has stated that Sarah Palin agreed to do the show after the shows star Nina Dobrev, who portrays Elena Gilbert told her that she really and truly felt that her daughter Bristol should have been crowned the winner of this past season of Dancing With The Stars.

Dobrev expressed to Sarah that Bristol "The Pistol" performed with much more style and grace than the winner Jennifer Grey. She also pointed out that she had read in Left Coast Mirror Magazine that Grey had spent more time crying during her rehearsals than anyone else in the shows eleven year history.

Nina remarked that Bristol was definitely much more agile, stylish, and fleet of foot than the second place finisher Kyle "Tootsie Roll" Massey.

She giggled and said that the only reason that "Tootsie Roll" got so far in the competition was because the males in the 16 to 96 age category loved watching Kyle's sexy partner Lacey Schwimmer ooze sensuous sexuality with the tiny little halter tops she wore as well as with the skin tight shorts which on two occasions clearly showed her camel toe.

Meanwhile Kate Gosselin agreed to do the show because she desperately needs the money. She said that having to home school seven of her eight kids because of their aggressive behavior has already caused her to dip into her 2011 Christmas present money fund.

Palin will portray Chachalena The Empress of Toxic Waste. She will have several scenes with Dobrev and Paul Wesley's character Stefan Salvatore.

In one scene which takes place in a sanitary landfill, Chachalena actually fondles Stefan while he is searching through a mound of rubbish searching for his grandmother's wedding ring which she had given him to pawn but which he had forgotten to do and accidentally ended up throwing it in the trash can.

Gosselin will be starring as Buffanooneenee Exalted Sorceress of Clandestine Candelabras. Kate will appear with Ian Somerhalder, who portrays Damon Salvatore.

Originally Gosselin and Somerhalder were to have had an intimately passionate love scene but Somerhalder talked to Middlezuck in private and told him that if he promised to take the scene out of the show he would allow him to deduct $5,000 from that week's salary.

Gosselin was recently asked if the rumors of an affair between her and her bodyguard Steve Neild are true. She declined to answer at first but then she said that Mr. Neild gets paid to guard her body and that is it. He does not get paid to ogle her body, caress her body, fondle her body, or to even vavavoom her body.

The Vampire Diaries appears on the CW Network on Thursdays and it runs opposite ABC's Fishing With Bubba, CBS's Barbara 'Buttinsky' Walters Wants To Know, and NBC's The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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