Written by Wire Piddle
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Sunday, 19 July 2009

image for Michael Jackson Burn Video Released - Pepsi Surprised

New York, NY - Pepsi, the company whose drink Michael Jackson was advertising when his burst into flames, is surprised that the footage of the event has been released and did not know where it came from.

Said a spokesman for the corporation, "We certainly didn't release this footage and we don't know who did."

Having said this, the company has also issued a followup statement to say that, while they regret the release of the footage, they believe that there may be some educational value in it.

"It is fairly obvious that hair and fireworks are not good bedfellows. No wait. We take that last word back. We didn't mean bedfellows as in underaged boys sleeping with male celebrities."

"At any rate, it may be of interest to know that a good salve for a burnt scalp is a mixture of porridge (cooked oats), Pepsi and butter. Make sure the mixture is cooled in a fridge and then put it on the wound and leave on for an extended period of time. It acts like a sponge and will suck the pus out. The Pepsi acts as a coagulant so use generously but make sure you have a good ratio of porridge to Pepsi so that it isn't watery."

Pepsi is thinking of marketing the product as 'The King Of Pop Poultice'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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