Discussion Forum

"Welcome to reception, how may I help you?"

I'm in room 112. Well not really, I'm actually in Reception talking to you at the moment, but my clothes and things are in room 112.

I was just wondering... It's a cold and dreary night for a travelling Lama trainer, and one does get a bit lonely all on ones own, what with the large bed and all of those tv channels... It's just that, you wouldn't know of...someone who might...or often does, in fact, as a service to someone, in a professional manner that is, during those nights when one is at a loose end...and would welcome the company of a...

Or possibly not.

"When I made a booking in October to stay a few days with my wife here at your hotel over Christmas I was promised a room with a view, but so far all we've been given since our arrival here on Christmas Eve has been this E.M.Forster book to read!"

"Got any spare change guv?"

Do you speak Mandarin?

(continued...) It's just that we've still got a few chapters to read but we're only booked up till today. Would it be possible for us to extend our stay here for another couple of nights?

"I ama vely solly, me no spek u inglash vely gud.
Hoomevor, I vill git de prostitute mule for u meesta Churchismos, en, Meesta SKOB, de plancton is in yu raam as instricted. Ah! Eskon! weelcum bok! Yu rom wiv jelly an costard ees reddy! Ples, hov en nees stoy!

Rom survises is avalible on fon leen 199, I awot u cull.

Gud nit!

EEEEHHHH!!! Meesta Twonkle! u cum bok! Howa de scabs!...I tull u nut kees de taul laddy bouy!Nu motter! Is wea av de cure! Rom 101? hes usual?....Hokey dokey!

"I was looking for William Hague's room, I've got a message for his personal assistant Ben Dover!"

Inch

You were supposed to say "No, I don't speak Mandarin." I was then to say "Thank fuck for that, neither do I".

But the jelly and custard is very pleasant, even if you did put it in the bed.

I wanted it in the bath.

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Quote: armfeetandtoe

"I ama vely solly, me no spek u inglash vely gud.
Hoomevor, I vill git de prostitute mule for u meesta Churchismos, en, Meesta SKOB, de plancton is in yu raam as instricted. Ah! Eskon! weelcum bok! Yu rom wiv jelly an costard ees reddy! Ples, hov en nees stoy!

Rom survises is avalible on fon leen 199, I awot u cull.

Gud nit!

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Oi Inchcock,

you look like a mole.

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Quote: Inchcock

"I was looking for William Hague's room, I've got a message for his personal assistant Ben Dover!"

Inch

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"Pardon me, but do you know if they sell something for yeast infections in your gift shop? My wife keeps baking biscuits and I'm sort of looking forward to using the oven for other purposes, if you know what I mean".




<sorry for that>
<I'm normally well adjusted socially>
<Really I am>

PM

Good evening. I'd like to speak to Mr Bates about the state of my shower.

"Ah, Mr Lynton, sorry about the blood in the shower, we had a knife juggler staying in your room, and he decided to practice while showering, unfortunatly, he slipped on the soap, and accidently stabbed himself, one hundred times in the head, body, and legs. Good job I found him when I did.....Blood is a real bugger to get off the tiles.....You where not thinking of a rebate were you?"


"Next?"

An American, a Russian and an European float into the international Space Station and the station commander says:"say, we don't get many Europeans in here." and the European replies: "And at these prices you're not likely to get many more!"

And as for that dried up old hag of a chambermaid she never seems to finish cleaning the next door room. In fact all she seems to do is sit in the chair watching TV and never answers when I speak. A corpse could clean a room faster!

I would like to complain about my room. Well you call it a room, I call it the end of a corridor you've put a door across. The room is too small to stretch in, the bed is smaller than a show house's bed. Well, you call it a bed, I call it a shelf with a blanket on, and a direct line to the tube station immediately below my 'corridor with a door across'. I can't close the door on the shower while I'm in it and I've taken a chunk out of my hip on the toilet roll holder.

There are no batteries in the TV remote, which is fortunate, as there is no position in the room to view the TV from. Your internet router needs rebooting, and there appears to be nobody within the city of London insured to do it.

The wardrobe is so narrow that I cannot hang anything other than my underpants in it, and I don't normally hang up my underpants. To top it off, the light switch for the room is outside the door.

Needless to say, I will only be recommending this hotel to my contortionist dwarf friend who hasn't slept since 1965, loves the sound of the tube, and enjoys confined spaces.

Iain

"My Lynton, Mrs arbudnot, is our oldest resident, she may, at times, seem a bit off, thats because the BellBoy keeps forgetting to put her back in the freezer at night. However, I have made note of your complaint, and will be asking deputy manageress to speak to you.....The blonde slut....Sorry, did I say that?....Coffee?

"Aaah! Mr IanB, we wondered when you were going to show your face.....When the bellboy said last room on the right, he did not mean the sluce room!....We have been at our wits end, wondering who has been using the mop sink for a shower!...And the cleaner is missing two bars of carbolic soap.....Now, if you would like to collect your bags, tent, rucksack and chicken, we will show you to a suitable room, then show you the door......To the street!

Good evening"

I'll be staying in room 218. The room where I last saw the ghost of Oscar Wilde. I hope he's still there, otherwise, I'll have to complain, too. You can't put a ghost in a room one year, and then not at all the next.

"Good evening Ms Frogpond, Oscar is waiting, with Bosey in the lounge, however, they are refusing to enter room 218, because you scared them witless the last time you stayed.

So as not to disapoint, we have arrainge the ghost of Sweeny Todd, the demon barber of old London town in room 101. Hope you have a nice stay"



Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxx