High-maintenance harridan Victoria Beckham has reportedly signed a four-year contract to be the face of ‘affordable fashion house' Matalan.
‘Posh Spice' was said to be furious after a high profile gig she was after - advertising the expensive frillies of designer Roberto Cavalli - went to troubled model Kate Moss, currently battling back from drug addiction.
However, when approached by Matalan Chief Executive John King with ‘an offer she couldn't refuse', La Beckham seized the chance get her trout pout back out there in the public eye.
Reports also indicate she is after an extra £250,000 each for her three boys - Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz - to star in ads for the chain's new children's range ‘Petit Poupees'. Discussions are still underway with regards to the latter, though Brooklyn has threatened to ‘hold his breath' until he gets to sign on the dotted line.
UK marketing director for Matalan Gillian Montford explained: "We cannot divulge exact details of the deal but I can tell you it ties Victoria to Matalan for the next four years, which is fantastic news. From our perspective we have a high-profile name to promote our wares and, from her point of view, she finally gets the chance to exploit her naturally ‘cheap' image so maligned by Roberto Cavalli."
A close family friend of Beckham told Spoof: "Victoria was wounded by Cavalli's oversight - and I'm sure that's all it was on his part as she would have been perfect in the role - so this deal has come at just the right time for her. As a friend I'm not prepared to say how much she's getting for the deal, though I can say it also involved lots of goodies from the Matalan underwear range ‘Rodentia', with which both she and David are is thrilled."
The Rodentia range - designed by homeless woman Carrie Bishop - is made from the hide of New York sewer rats. Matalan snapped up the 61-year-old's invention after one of the firm's London reps was on holiday in Manhattan and spotted her striking thong protruding from the top of her tatty trousers.
Bronx-born Carrie, who was given a new sleeping bag in exchange for the exclusive rights to her design, explained: "They told me my design was 'urban chic' at its very best - the grassroots of street life - but to me it was just an easy way of keeping my frozen behind warm on those chilly NYC nights. I always thought Victoria Beckham looked like a rat had crawled up her a*s and died and now I know it may well be a possibility!"
