Joran van der Sloot Claims Liz Taylor Died from Broken Heart...Over HIM!

Funny story written by Morse

Thursday, 24 March 2011


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Thanks to EU Human Rights, van der Sloot is Now Peruvian Prison Queen!

Incarcerated sociolpath and serial womanizer Joran van der Sloot claimed from his Peruvian jail cell that film icon Liz Taylor, 79, died from a broken heart and unrequited love after she learned he wouldn't be released anytime soon!

Van der Sloot, suspected in the disappearance of Aruba spring breaker Natolee Holloway almost six years ago, and being held after the violent death of a young girl he picked up in a casino in Peru, has been held in a Peruvian jail pending trial, an event that may linger longer than Amanda 'Foxy' Knoxy's in Bunga-Bunga land.

Joran, now considered 'the Queen of Peru' after the EU Commission on Human Rights intervened in his case and forced the Peruvian Government to allow him to purchase silk thongs, padded bras and have access to an unlimited selection of makeup including eyeliner, roughe, and several tins of blush, has been prancing around the shower room of Castro Castro Prison like Lady Ga Ga in heat.

So far the violent inmates have tolerated Joran as money continues to flow in from his various female fans, as well as a downpayment from CNN and Piers Morgan for the rights to his first interview when and if he is ever released.

According to Joran he and Liz had been involved in intense and torrid communications through his FaceBook page and he claimed Ms. Taylor was one of his loyalist 'Fans.'

"She said I reminded her of her one great love, Richard Burton," said Joran during a clandestine cell phone conversation from his suite, "ever since she divorced that Larry Fortensky guy she said she would never commit to a man again unless he proved he was sincere , had a lot of personal humility, character, and was Jewish."

Prison officials confirmed that van der Sloot had been undergoing a conversion to the Jewish faith and claimed that Ms. Taylor was committed to having him set free and appointing him executor of her estate estimated at over $100M.

Insiders say that since the announcement of Ms. Taylor's death van der Sloot has been disconsolate and in mourning whilst wearing a black see through Muumuu and is not receiving any visitors at this time.

A spokesman for van der Sloot's non profit charity said cash donations to the
"Free Joran" foundation can be made in Ms. Taylor's name in lieu of flowers for the fallen star.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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