Queen Elizabeth to visit Stephen Ireland

Funny story written by Fergus McCarthy

Saturday, 5 March 2011


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image for Queen Elizabeth to visit Stephen Ireland
Stephen Ireland's Granny.

The Queen is to pay a state visit to Stephen Ireland - the first official visit to a footballers house by a British monarch.

Buckingham Palace said in a statement: "The Queen has been pleased to accept an invitation from Newcastle United manager Alan Pardew to pay a state visit to Ireland this year. The Queen will be accompanied by the Duke of Edinburgh."

A date for the visit has not been released but it is widely expected to be sometime in May, although FA Cup final day has been officially ruled out due to the Duke of Edinburgh's long standing tradition of going on the piss with the Household Cavalry and their horses.

The Football Association of Ireland said it welcomed the imminent trip. "The visit will mark a further improvement in the strained relations between Ireland and his international duties." it said in a statement.

Irish manager Giovanni Trappatoni is said to pleased at the announcement and hopes that the visit will go some way towards helping Ireland regain some credibility with the IGA (Irish Granny Association) after his now infamous "Grannygate" affair ended his international career.

Ireland has had a long and troubled history, from being one of the most consistent performers on the European stage three short years ago to being a fringe player has undoubtably taken it's toll.

Public anger and resentment are at an all time high over what many see as a criminal waste of vast financial resources frittered away for so little return.

Queen Elizabeth is said to be both honoured and excited to be invited to visit Ireland and is particularly looking forward to riding with Stephen in his big pink Range Rover.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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