Written by anthonyrosania

Saturday, 1 January 2011

image for "Welcome to Kogalymavia Flight 7K-348 From Siberia to..." -KABOOM!- "Ahhhh!! Poluchitʹ Yebut S Samoleta!"
Russia's most modern aircraft.

A Flight attendant giving the safety speech to 124 people on a Russian passenger jet was rudely interrupted by the plane, when it exploded on a Siberian runway, killing three people and injuring 43, including six who were badly burned, officials said.

"Получить ебут с самолета" ("Poluchitʹ yebut s samoleta")
= "Get the F--k off the plane."

"Обратно уличных мальчишек" ("Obratno ulichnyh malʹchishek")
= "Backstreet Boys."

"The fire which began in one of the engines caused a powerful blast that destroyed the Tu-154 aircraft and spread flames across 1,000 square meters," said emergency services spokesman Vadim Grebennikov. "No one noticed, however, because it was in Siberia, the Staten Island of Russia."

Russian television showed video taken with the only mobile telephone in Siberia of the burning plane, its center a giant fireball. All that remained afterward was the tail section and part of a wing. All 452 people who live in Siberia rushed to the accident scene, because it was the warmest and least-smelly place in Siberia.

Grebennikov said 10 people were seriously injured, including six who were badly burned and four who suffered broken bones or other trauma, which is still better than being in Siberia. Most of the other injured passengers sought treatment for poisoning after attempting suicide because, yu know, it's f--king Siberias.

Among the passengers were members of the Russian pop group "Obratno ulichnyh malʹchishek", who described the panic on board the plane.

"First we heard clap then flames in back of plane. People immediately panic," group member DonnieYury Walhbergivev said. "Flight attendants tried to calm passengers, but flames began to spread, and Diet Coke spilled. Three f--king dollars for half can of Coke, and I have to leave it."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Flying, air crash

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
101 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more