Angelina Jolie is new Queen of Cambodia

Funny story written by Frank Cotolo

Friday, 12 August 2005


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image for Angelina Jolie is new Queen of Cambodia
Ms. Jolie shows up to accept her royal staus

LIN DI LOO, Cambodia -- Cambodia's king has declared actress Angelina Jolie Queen of Cambodia for her conservation work in the poverty-stricken country and the king is encouraging other Hollywood stars to come to Cambodia and give lots of money to help desititude people while keeping his luxurious lifestyle intact.

King Norodom Sihamoni signed a royal decree making the Oscar-winning starlett and daughter of John Voight, queen, said an official of the government who owns five Rolls Royce cars. "She will parade before the starving people and give them money for food as often as she wants," he said.

Jolie is giving a Cambodian development group $1.5 million for its environmental protection efforts in remote parts of the country's northwest.

"That will help to build tables and chairs for the poor people to sit when they eat," said a Jolie spokesperson who owns two houses in Los Angeles, one which she rents for $5,000 a month. "Now all we have to do it get food to put on the tables."

The king asked the new queen if she could get Mel Gibson to buy millions of ham sandwiches that might be given to the poor population.

And, he said, "maybe dat boyfriend Pitt and udder men you loved, like Billy Joe could bring over soup and spoons, anything that will help my hungry people."

During Jolie's most recent visit to Cambodia in July last year, Prime Minister Hun Sen had asked if she would like to be queen in recognition of her generosity.

"I would be honored, I think. I would certainly be thrilled," she told reporters at the time. "I am so comfortable in a country where the peoples' lips are as large as mine."

The Cambodian Vision in Development's director expressed delight over the news. "I don't know what else to say? I will personally drink her bathwater for the honor of her being my queen and I know she will get hundreds of Hollywood peoples to bring money and food and expensive medical things here so that the king and me and others in the government do not have to give up our cars and jewels and foreign bank accounts. This is what we have dreamed for her for a long time. Now it's a dream come true."

He said the Hollywood actress deserves such a reward "not because of the money she has given but for all of the money she will be responsible for giving through her friends" for the Cambodian people.

Parts of Jolie's adventure movie Lara Croft: Tomb Raider were filmed at Cambodia's famed Angkor Wat temple. Allegedly, more than 23,000 young Cambodian men visited the set and never took their hands out of their pants while there.

The actress adopted her Cambodian son, Maddox, three years ago, and has recently adopted an orphaned baby girl from Ethiopia. The king said, "If she just wants to make it easier on us all, she could adopt the whole population and then we will surely know they will eat and grow strong."

Jolie's estranged father, John Voight, could not be reached for comment, though a friend close to the actor said Mr. Voight recently admitted that he wanted to have sex with Dustin Hoffman on the set of Midnight Cowboy.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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