Disorientated by the lunar eclipse, Father Xmas smashed into an asteroid today and was luckily rescued by Russian cosmonauts. He is said to be relatively well and recovering from shock on board the Soyuz space station.
NASA says Santa is likely to reenter the Earth's atmosphere on Wednesday, when he will execute a hypersonic "S-turn" and reach speeds of 17,500 mph. Experts fear that his beard may burn off on re-entry and that the slays' brakes could malfunction. A spokesperson said that Santa and his sleigh, the presents, plus the fourteen elves weigh around 3 tons and there is a serious danger that if he fails to find snow and, instead, hits a metropolitan area, then the damage could be worse than the student riots in London.
Citizens in Helsinki and other town in Finland have been told to stay in doors.