In an announcement that rocked the world's population and destroyed the hopes of children around the globe, Santa Claus announced today that he would only be visiting the homes of the top 2% in income in the world.
"I have to do it," Santa said with tears in his eyes. "There is too much pressure from those that control my ability to serve all. Never before, have so few done so much to hurt so many. Every bit of our resources has been taken to supply Rolex's, Ferrari's, and mega yachts. I have been threatened by the most powerful people in the US. I can tell you this; the elves are distraught and the reindeer are threatening to strike. Now I hear that tons of lumps of coal have been ordered by the GOP and that the Bank of All is threatening to foreclose on the North Pole. That is too much!"
Santa continued with tears rolling down his pink cheeks. "The attacks on me and all of us here at the North Pole have been relentless in an effort to bring pressure. First of all, I am NOT a commie as Michele Bachmann has claimed. I am NOT a wimp, as Bill O'Reilly has claimed, and I am NOT an atheist as Glenn Beck has threatened to claim. Rudolph is NOT a drunk and the sexual orientation of Dancer and Prancer is their own damn business! I can't even repeat what they have threatened to say about Vixen."
Santa took on a stern look as he continued; "The threat on Rudolph's life by Sarah Palin, saying she was going to kill him with a cross bow and put it on her reality show was the last straw. It was worse than the threat to hold up the START treaty. Even Santa can only take so much!"
As the elves and the reindeer gathered around him and Mrs. Claus held him in her arms, Santa concluded, "Children no one is sorrier than me but you will learn later in your dear lives that you must sometimes live to fight another day. The forces of power and greed cannot win in the end."
As Santa and his family turned to leave, he turned back, motioned with his finger for all the children of the world to come closer and whispered in each and every ear, "the Rolex's are all fake, the Ferrari's all have Yugo engines, and the yachts have dry rot!"
As he laid a finger alongside of his nose, and he rode out of sight, the children could faintly hear, "HO! HO! HO!"
