While U.S. and international coalition forces update their plans for total departure from Afghan territories, local brothels are appealing to the Karzai government to postpone early troop withdrawal.
Speaking on behalf of the UPA, (United Pimps of Afghanistan), Nasser Abass, founder of the loosely cobbled union, claims that shut down of the Bedouin-like traveling brothels would dramatically impact the economic health of the communities near troop outposts. "We provide a safe, suicide bomber-free service to these troops. They know they can come here, relax and be guaranteed a pop rather than a BOOM".
Local government officials seem to support Abass's claims, showing how small village merchants participate in the windfall by supplying condoms, refreshments, and snacks to brothel owners for resale. "The boys seem to enjoy Pringles crisps the most, though they do make a mess in bed", says Abass.
Abass also knows that without the troops to help justify the existence of the brothels, the Afghan government will most likely crack down on the union. "We would like to delay any premature adjudication at this time. Obviously we would hate to see the troops pull out too quickly", said Abass with a wink and a nod.
U.S. and other Allied troops admitted to having mixed feelings about the leaving the country, clearly wanting to return home, but not wanting to leave the extensive and reasonably priced services offered by federated UPA members. Speaking about the menu of services, one corporal from the U.S. Army commented, "I don't know where else I can get a Kandahar Quickie, a Jalalabad Jiggler, and a Kabul Dune Ride all for less than 30 bucks". Apparently, according to corporal who chose to remain nameless while unsuccessfully hiding his wedding band, not all premium services are affordable. "Tokyo Sandblasters are just awesome, but way too expensive at $75. I'd take a Baghdad Blender over that for 40 bucks any day."
