Julian Assange Offered Asylum by Powerful Northern Ally

Funny story written by Katarina Frogpond2

Saturday, 4 December 2010

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Julian Assange may have found safety with Reindeer herders

Julian Assange is believed to have won the protection of a powerful Far Northern Ally. It is believed he has been offered asylum by the most powerful Nomadic Tribal leader within the Arctic Circle.

The leader, who has several tribal names but is known in official EU documentation as Alexander Klaus, says he believes Assange knows what its like to be a Nomad. He also thinks that the Wikileaks leader would understand his people's way of life.

Assange considers himself to be stateless, even though he's Australian. He is currently seeking assylum in Switzerland but the Swiss say there is virtually no way he will be offered Swiss residency because he is currently a citizen of a peaceful liberal Country.

Klaus and his people are neutral in all international affairs and are mostly left alone by the world to herd reindeer and make toys. They are a peaceful people and believe that Assange has peaceful ideals that would not upset their tribal way of life.

Klaus has promised his protection and has built Assange a shelter in the Snow fields of Northern Lapland. The shelter is a Super Millenium Eco Igloo and has all the modern conveniences of a modern home and office.

The leader of the Elvanfoot people says Assange is welcome anytime, so long as he donates 2 hours a day of his time throughout December to help with traditional Elvanfoot Christmas present giving, to people Klaus believes to be deserving. He believes that Assange's computer hacking skills might aid his judgement in making this tricky decision.

Assange could not be traced in time to make a comment on these rumours because he is of "no fixed abode" and is always on the move. For this reason he sometimes seems to give the impression to the world's authorities of having disappeared off the face of the earth. He says this is a necessary precaution since his WikiLeaks revelations have made him the most wanted man on Interpols list of wanted people.

Klaus has refused to comment on whether his offer has been accepted. Maybe it has. It would be very difficult to find anyone in the vast expanses of the Frozen North...even a man in a red suit.

By Katarina Frogpond.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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