Written by Gabhan O'Buachalla

Saturday, 25 September 2010


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image for Plane crashes due to 'Lynx effect'?

The cause of a mystery Boeing 737 crash en route to Dallas is no closer to resolution.

Flight investigators listened to cockpit audio between Captain Jane Way and First Office Odor Pitt.

Pitt who was late for his flight showed up to duty sweating after running thru Heathrow airport. After the aircraft was in cruise altitude, Pitt was asked by the Captain to freshen up, as his body odour was off-putting to the female Captain.

An aerosol spray noise could be heard on the flight voice recorder

Followed by the noise of the Captain leaving her seat and bumping noises that indicated a struggle in the cockpit

Officer Odor could be heard pleading to the Captain 'Please! Please!'

Followed by smoochy kissing and unzipping noises.

A can of 'Lynx Africa' was found in the cockpit after the crash, with both flight officers in a semi nude state.

A spokesperson for Lynx has indicated their advertising campaign is 'exaggerated' and that 'Lynx Africa' has no such 'effect' that could cause a crash.

Meanwhile, the Federal Aviation authority investigating the crash has been set back by sexual harassment scandals in the lab where aerosols were being tested.

Security at Heathrow airport is also under review after it was revealed that sometimes staff let members of the public suffering from Hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) carry deodorant onto flights for fear of being sued for discriminating against their illness.

Aerosols are officially a banned item on carry-on passenger lists.

Mick O'Leery of Rubbanair says they take safety seriously and have offered to spray smelly passengers on check-in for £20, provided the passenger has booked online. If the passenger is late the deodorising process will cost £50.

They aim to have all their passengers 'Smelling of roses' unlike the smelly Bonkers Airlines passengers.

Slick Willy has defended BA passengers hygiene.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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