BEWARE THIS ARTICLE IS SO OFFENSIVE THAT EVEN THE AUTHOR ADVISES YOU NOT TO READ IT
Al Qaeda extremist Mohammed Iqbal Yusuf, who died after detonating a suicide bomb last week in Pakistan, has said that he intends to sue Allah after discovering that he has only been given 71 virgins in the after life.
The Koran in fact promises Muslim men who follow its teachings 72 young virgins to fornicate with every day until the end of time. Muslim women are promised a vacuum cleaner to help with the housework.
Yusuf, whose bomb killed over 20 people, including women and children, said, in a statement from the grave read by his lawyers, Nickit, Grabbit and Runn, that he would never have killed himself if he had known that he wouldn't get his full quota of young virgins. "To make matters worse", added his solicitor, "half the virgins refuse to lift their burqas, so he has no way of telling their age or even gender. Our client is seeking exemplary damages."
In a separate action, Yusuf is demanding that Allah should repair his sexual apparatus, which was blown up during his suicide bombing.
Meanwhile, Allah called a press conference in which he said "Why do these people the Holy Book so literally. I mean, it's supposed to be the 21st century, hello?"
