Written by Bertram Chapley

Sunday, 17 April 2005

image for Jacko Free - World Rejoices
Jacko Before Shave

SANTA MARIA, BASRA - Saddam Jacksein has won his appeal against his conviction and is to be set free from the courts later today it has been revealed.

Lawyers for the Superstar and part time Despot are said to be Cock-a-hoop. The long suffering dictator had his case quashed on a technicality as no-one could prove he was there or indeed they were his gloves.

It seems only a short time ago we were witnessing the famous car chase in downtown Baghdad when OJ Hussein's (a.k.a. Jacksein) MPV was being pursued by the Iraqi Mounted Police.

The ensuing court case has occupied the news for the last fourteen months. Police and FBI agents have been scouring his palaces for any relevant clues and have interviewed all of his staff including Gardener Ali, Chauffeur Ali and Bodyguard Ali Costner.

"What are we going to do now?" asked one reporter for Fox News. "I had signed up for a contract for two years on this one ! I was relying on this one to pan out. If I can't report the news I will just have to make some." He took out a revolver and shot one of the Court Ushers.

The only evidence against Saddam was the images of him interfering with a boy hostage just before the breakout of the first Gulf War in the Human Shield debacle. This was said to be one of his stand-ins Jerry Arthurs and Saddam himself was out shopping in Tikrit at the time. He had bought a Teasmaid and a new Jumper and had shown receipts to prove this fact, one from Ali Dixons for the Teasmaid and another from Bhotens Menswear for the jumper. Saddam was dropped in Human Shield 2 and replaced by Will Smith.

Reporters suspected something was afoot when the Judge called over Jacksein and his lawyer and whispered something in his ear. Saddam let out a series of high pitched shrills and began moon walking across the Court floor. He had to be restrained by Court officials.

In a brief statement Saddam said he planned on having a break in the Sunni Triangle before consulting his legal team with view to getting some compensation. He then plans to open his own Insurgency business in his home town of Tikrit using grants being made available from the Food for Oil scam.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Santa, basra

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