Written by snoz bunsen

Tuesday, 15 February 2005

image for Michael Jackson Dance-Floored By Flu
Jackson Outside Court Yesterday

SANTA MARIA. Calif. (AP) - Pop superstar Michael Jackson has been rushed to hospital with flu, delaying the jury selection process in his trial on child molestation charges.

Judge Rodney Melville told potential jurors and the four million journalists outside court that the selection process would now be delayed until February 22. "Mr. Jackson has a severe case of bloke flu and has been taken to hospital as a precaution. Unlike bird flu, which causes women to blow their noses every hour or so, bloke flu is a life-threatening condition that only affects men," Judge Melville explained. "Symptoms include the highest temperature anyone has ever had and the sorest head in history. Standard treatment is continental quilt and hot water rubs and four boxes of lemsips daily."

In breaking news, it appears that the Dangerous pop-star injured a ten year-old boy who was apparently knocked unconscious by the singer's nose, which hit him on the temple after flying off during a particularly nasty sneezing fit. Jackson's publicist said the singer was naturally concerned for the welfare of the boy, but was not overly perturbed at losing his nose as he has several spares.

Jackson (44), said this is the first time he has ever been unwell although several young men who hung around with him as children contradicted this statement by claiming they remembered him being particularly sick.

Staff at the Marian Medical Centre in Santa Maria, where Jackson was taken, reported that he is feeling fairly poorly but that his spirits have been lifted by calls from well-wishers and visits from his close friends, O-J Simpson, Kobe Bryant and Stevie Wonder. It later transpired that Mr. Wonder had not intended to visit Jackson's bedside at all and had in fact been under the impression he was in Wall-Mart, where he had hoped to buy some Orange juice, with, "juicy bits," according to his spokeswoman.

Along with his brothers - who were also his brothers - Jermaine, Jackie, Marlon and Tito, Jackson shot to fame as lead singer with the Jackson 5, one of the most successful boy bands in history, with hits such as, The Young Folks, La-La Means I Love You, We Don't Have To Be 21 (To Fall In Love), The Boogie Man, Let Me Tickle Your Fancy and double-A side, Let Me Carry Your School Books/I Never Had A Girl.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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