George Soros: "I'm Having a Very Good BP Oil Crisis"

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

image for George Soros: "I'm Having a Very Good BP Oil Crisis"
"Everybody Else" - Utopia as envisioned by George Soros.

NEW YORK - Those who know the name "George Soros" probably remember the phrase "I'm having a very good crisis" as US financial markets hung from a thread at the edge of an abyss. Once again, Soros relishes the misfortune of one of the largest international corporations, reaping immense profits with his hedge funds. The US Gulf coast states face terrible economic hardships, but the only thing that could wipe the smile from the insanely bitter billionaire's face would be the sudden end of the BP oil spill and the damage it brings.

Soros made $3 BILLION during the 2008 market crash, and now he says "I'm having a very good BP oil crisis." Almost without fail, this billionaire's "happiness" is directly linked to someone else's financial ruin. In this case, he's "shorting" BP stock, and the markets are reminding us of the 1992 "Breaking the Bank of England" and the 1997 "Asian Market Collapse."

In a surprise video blog interview, Soros appeared on the Ultra-Ultra-Leftist, San Francisco web site (which is registered to the San Francisco public school system, with administration by the teachers' union ... except when the ability to think is required for its continued operation).

George Soros quotes from video interview:

First, I want to say ... that although most of President Obama's advisors have been employed by my Center for American Progress or related organizations, and although the organizations match my social and political views perfectly while I pour millions of dollars into them ... in no way do I control the actions of the President of the United States.

Also, I had no influence in shutting down all American offshore oil rigs, even though I have nearly one BILLION dollars invested in the Brazilian oil company Petrobras, which will greatly expand its own offshore drilling with over $200 billion of projects.

You know, when $730 million is spent to buy the US Presidential election, getting Congress to allocate $2 billion of funding to a foreign company where you own large amounts of stock is not corruption. [Soros begins giggling] Oh, and this administration is the most transparent ever, and has completely rejected partisan politics. [Soros begins laughing uncontrollably] Excuse me, I have just urinated myself. [Soros continues laughing]

Political Analysts Comment on Recent Activity of George Soros and BP Oil Spill:

Anonymous 1: Is the US Federal Government trying to make oil spill damage worse? Stonewalling state recovery efforts to increase the lawsuits that can be made against BP? When the EPA says the local government can't use hay or human hair in pantyhose to pick up oil because its effect on the ocean hasn't been studied? Something shady is going on.

Anonymous 2: Tony Hayward identifying $20 billion of BP property for liens was suicide. It's like driving a bus filled with $20 billion up to the Chinese Mafia and saying "I bet you won't kill me for all this money." Of course there's a difference between Obama and the Chinese Mafia, the Mafia has a Code of Honor.

Anonymous 3: Soros has said "capitalism is broken" and that he "wants another system to replace it." He may pick a date to "change the system," and there are three most likely scenarios - First could be Christmas Eve ... to ruin everybody's holiday and brag about atheism. Second could be New Years ... so that everyone is hung over with all their credit cards maxed out, and then he'd claim capitalism was to blame while he would be mankind's only hope. Last would be Halloween ... or just before the US elections, he'd collapse the markets, let Obama claim a state of emergency to cancel voting, and he would do it as an act of infinite contempt for citizens being able to choose the officials that serve in government.

In related news, large numbers of people have abandoned the thought that the "end of the world" would come with the end of the Mayan Long Count in 2012. Instead, thousands upon thousands expect 2011 to be the year of the Apocalypse.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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